can't put my finger on it

i've been thinking about this for quite a while now. well, it took me a while to think about it cause i guess i was trying to figure out exactly what i was feeling and perhaps to reconcile the thoughts with feelings. I've suddenly become pretty freaked out when i see pregnant women. not freaked out in the OMG she's pregnant way. but i feel a little uncomfortable about the whole thing. Yes it seems ironic and weird that i'm feeling this way NOW after 6 months of giving birth but i guess it's because i am very visual and after giving birth myself, i know EXACTLY what everything looks like in a pregnant woman's stomach. I mean, i've seen a freshly born child, i've seen what the placenta looks like, and i've even seen the waterbag that held both baby and placenta. What's even more disturbing is that the baby comes out AS IT IS which means i can now picture how it looks like curled up in the uterus. when i was pregnant, i knew what was happening in me based on textbooks and documentaries. but it wasn't real enough for me.

squeezing my way through honour guards at the istana for an assignment

Ignorance IS bliss as i now look back and remember how i just sailed through my pregnancy without thinking TOO much about it. If i did, i don't think I would have hopped onto the bow of that narrow unstable dragon boat with all my camera gear, while 8 months heavy to do a photo shoot for work. Not because it's dangerous, but I wouldn't be able to concentrate, thinking about what it looks like inside the stomach as i shift from one weird bent double position to another. Ewww. I wasn't trying to be a Hero but that's the nature of my work and i was doing all things normal. I always believed and was advised to do what is normal for me. For me, carrying 8kg of equipment and walking around, sporadically contorting into weird positions was normal. My normal is not normal for others. But then again i think i was pretty crazy.

Now when i see pregnant women, i have X-ray vision, and then i feel very strange. This is starting to be an occupational hazard, being visual. How can something so natural seem so un-natural.