Pick and Choose Your Battles

So for the first time in his life, Nate got into a fight, well, not all that action and drama but sort of - in a 4-year old fashion.

We were standing in line at the check out counter at Ikea when I noticed Nate had started messing around with another boy - later finding out that he was a couple of months younger than Nate.

They started slapping each other around and at this point i'm thinking that that's just boys...they are rough and tough and besides, they were laughing.

I'm also not one to over-parent a child or at least I try not too.

They're boys, let them be. Time for them to learn to stand up for themselves.

Suddenly I heard a yelp and suddenly Nate's face starts to cramp up and tears started flowing down his cheek, stinging a scratch below his right eye.

In slow motion, you see it turning red and it's prolly like getting a paper cut. Except that this was caused by the other boy's finger nails.

So I turn to Nate and ask if he's ok, playing it down because honestly, its just a scratch. No big deal..

I see the boy back up in a guilty manner and I think to myself to let it go.

The other kid definitely didn't mean to do so. They were playing and accidents happen but for some reason, Nate wouldn't let it go.

His pride was lost.

And no matter what I did to sooth him, it didn't help.

At this point I look at the kid's dad who saw what happened but he didn't do a thing.

You would think that he would at least ask if Nate was ok because at this point he was bleeding and at least ask his son what had happened.

But you see, its Ikea and it was 2330hrs and I as a parent understand that we function on selective hearing and vision - only because we're just tired.

Besides, he was toggling with 2 other kids - yes they have 3.

So Terence makes a remark about children not knowing manners and i'm still fighting the inner battle on whether I should bring this matter up to his parent.

I definitely don't have the energy to deal with defensive parents but at the same time nate is feeling really wronged and short changed.

So in this 3-minute battle in my head, I decided that "Hey ok. I need to do something to stand up for nate but how do I do this right and set a good example?"

You see, in Singapore, 4-million out of 5-million people are defensive and take offense when you make any remarks about their children or any part of their property.

I absolutely Hate that.

Saying sorry its such a lost of pride for Singaporean Chinese it's not funny.

So now you know my dilemma.

So I decided to be as politically correct and soft in my approach because, yes, I would like it if someone told me if Nate had scratched his/her kid as well.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but OUR kids were playing and it just happened that your son ended up scratching Nate in the face. I'm not BLAMING him but I thought I'd point it out to you...."

The whole time i'm thinking that she was going to yell out "BUT THEY'RE KIDS!!"

And to my surprise, she was on the complete same wavelength as me, and started explaining that her kid was rough too and apologized. We kinda gave each other the "oh my god i'm so tired and motherhood sucks but we love it look and moved on from there.

In the end, Nate was satisfied, I was satisfied and we all shook hands and went on our way, battle scar to remember and hero story to tell.

I gather there are more moments like this to come and like they say, it's about picking and choosing your battles.