Darker Month and a Half

the nebulizer..

So part of the reason why i've been quiet with the blog entries is because we've been down with illnesses all month, and last.

I'm not writing this post to earn sympathy points or whine about how pathetic my life may seem but its merely a form of reflection. True, it has been really trying and many times, I feel like it can't really get any worse than it is and it does. I trust that we will get past this and I believe in the power of prayer, so I know that one day I will read this and look at how far we've come since then/now... for now. In Feb I was hospitalized for an asthma attack full blown brought about by a mycoplasma infection. Not Fun. Having your lungs cave in by the minute is quite a freaky account. You start to hyper-ventilate and you then try to remain calm... while starting to feel like you're trapped in a cave. But with the lungs closing in, you then start to hyper-ventilate even more which is ironic when you try to remain calm while on the way to the hospital. A month later, i'm down with a severe cough again only here's the catch. Nelly has the same bug as I and she deteriorates quicker and needs to go on the ventilator/nebulizer thingy. She has been on it 3x a day for the PAST MONTH. Thank God I own the nebulizing machine (from nate's time) otherwise it would cost me $10 bucks a day to rent.. more stress I don't need. She's also been on 2 different types of anti-biotics for the past 2 months. That's a lot for a kid that's not even half a year old. She's had stuff stuck up her nostrils, while wrapped up like a burrito and then later pricked in the finger for further blood tests. I on the other hand have been stretched to my limit. There's nothing worse than nursing a sick child to health while sick yourself.. You just get worse because you don't sleep more than 5 hours a night sometimes an hour at a time. And you just feel like dying. This is the worst part of my month.. being ill and having to be a mother to a sick infant and get sicker yourself. I swear post natal depression has kicked in full time. You feel tired, worn out, low in energy, lack of appitite, and guilty.... from ignoring or not having enough energy to care for your other kid who also fell sick along the way. As if things couldn't get worse. Anyways, Nelly is much better now and just ended her month of medications.. I have finished 2 courses of anti-biotics so far and am still suffering from a severe cough with green phlegm.

I'm sorry you have to see this but this has become a normal recurrance when my immunity is down and my allergies kick in.

We have no idea what this is and I have just seen the ENT specialist today. Am off for a CT scan tomorrow and hopefully we can figure out if this is all caused by some sinus infections. All this while I juggle my assignments in between. I'm kinda done with the whining and wallowing in self-pity but do excuse me if I seem a little less perky than I usually am. I'm just really really really tired. Again, i'm not out to score sympathy points or crave for any attention but i'm just penning this down because i know in my head and my heart that I have no right to really complain about life because I have life and I always tell myself that our older generation prolly had it much worse and they didn't even have a blog to rant it all out in. They must have had a lot of neighbours and health care must have been cheaper then Speaking of which i have already passed the $2000 mark for our medical bills just this month alone. How I'm gonna get by... HAHA I don't even wanna think about that. No shopping for me for a while. I don't have the energy for that anyway. The best thing i've done this past 5 months? Have a hair cut... that's how simple my life has been (: PRAISE GOD from whom all good things come. REALLY and i'm saying this to declare victory over any evil around me cause i'm done with all that...I need to get well.... sooner than later. (cough cough cough)